I think at one point or another, people feel lost in their life. Maybe they don’t have clarity of their passion or start asking deeper questions like “what is the meaning of life” “what is my purpose”. As my pervious blogs indicate I am lost when it comes to my passion or even what “natural talent(s)” I have – that is why I am also on this “journey”.
Luckily I have a very supportive wife who I can talk about everything and anything to, where many people feel lonely on this journey to self-discovery because a lot of people don’t understand. Typically, when someone deems something as “negative” or “crazy/weird” is just due to their own lack of knowledge about it or what they are taught regarding it, meaning they basically will look at you crazy because they haven’t gone through the experience themselves. Right now, I am struggling with even letting people “in”, showing this side of me that I am now on regarding spirituality. And the funny thing about that is throughout my life I always felt like people judged me and I know many talked behind my back (in a negative way). I mean when you have your first child at 14 years old – trust and believe people talk soooo much shit about you behind your back. When I made the wrong choice in partners, again, lost some friends because of it and all in all, just not a smooth road for me. With coming out as being a lesbian….again, experienced so many people’s harsh reactions towards it (some of the harder ones came from my own family)….now, I am not saying everything was a negative reaction because I did have those who supported me through and through (that I am so grateful for) but the negativity of these experiences, is what stays in my mind. So, with this “baggage” of thoughts – it makes it hard for me to just say hey! this is what I am currently going through and that is that! Also, I just don’t want any negative energy coming at me (but I know this is something I have to get over). Everyone is going to judge me regardless, so it is just something I have to work through.
In reading more into my astrology birth chart, my main focus for me is to take on the traits of Aries – which is “I am”. Aries is all about being assertive, knowing what they want, and basically not holding back. This is opposite of how I am… I am a Libra (sun, venus, moon, and mercury) and many may know Libra is a people pleaser! We put a lot of energy into how we are perceived by others, putting ourselves last, and trying to keep harmony aka shutting up about real feeling and sugar-coating shit. So, this is a struggle that I am determined to work through, and I know once I step into this energy, my life will be abundant, and I will no longer have this feeling of “something is missing” within me.
I wish someone would have nudged me sooner to look into my chart because it literally helps you understand yourself in ALL aspects of life. So, this is me telling someone out there – go do it! Go do your research…there are free sites everywhere that you can access this information from. Your future self will thank you!
Here are some key words to keep in mind:
Sun: core “you”/ego
Rising: outward appearance (how people perceive you at first glance)
Uranus: thoughts/rebel/pushing past limitations
Lilth: your shadow/dark side/karma
Midheaven (MC): career/life path
IC: how you are when no one (or people closest to you) is around
Chiron: teaches us our weaknesses and how to heal them
North node: destiny
South node: karmic past life/comfort zone